Self Hatred
by cobra
Summary: Sequel to 'To Much To Dream' and 'I Use To' Third in my Songs of the heart series. The Dark slayer hears the voice


SELF HATRED  
  
This is the third fic in my songs from the heart series. Yeah I know I said it would be awhile but I just wrote a song that I think will fit in with a certain Brunette Scooby and Dark haired slayer. Anyway. Hope you like it  
  
Faith didn't know why Angel had brought her to this.. this.. Kareoke bar. It was murder on her eyes and ears. Hearing a rendition of 'Baby Got Back' coming from a Male Rothra demon. (A species which just happens to have three sets of ass cheeks) Was not something the dark slayer wanted to hear. Or see now that she thought about it.  
  
Faith:What the hell are we doing here Angel?  
  
She asked the ensouled vampire as they sat at a table with Wes, Cordy, and Gunn. The green demon who served them ,Lorne, said he would join them a little later. Angel simply smiled and pointed at the stage. What Faith saw made her eyes widen in shock. She was about to scream before she thought better and kinda covered her face.  
  
Xander: Hello again everyone.  
  
He said as he sat on a stool with a mic to his face and an old looking acoustic guitar in his arms.  
  
Xander: Bet your getting sick of me huh?"  
  
A chorus of NO's were heard echoeing through the club making Xander smile more to himself than to the crowd.  
  
Xander: Well, tonight I'm going to sing a song I wrote about um. Three years ago. You see I made a mistake, and it didn't help the situation. I'm not sure how much it hurt it but I know it didn't help it. This is called. Self Hatred.  
  
Xanders' fingers began to move picking the strings of the guitar in a slow and peaceful tone. Faith was amazed that Xander could play. Then he amazed her more, he started to sing.  
  
Xander: Love can happen in instant. And be gone just as fast. Love will vanish without a trace. But hatred will last.  
  
Faith finally noticed how the ,before, loud club had become almost deathly quiet. Then she remembered that it had happened the second Xander took the stage. 'I guess he's a favorite.' She thought to herself while still focusing most of her mind on the music. On the words coming from her former lovers mouth.  
  
Xander: So lets not do this tonight. Lets hide our sins Lets let wrongs be righted. Before temptation takes a bid.  
  
Xander closed his eyes. He had noticed Angel and company in the audience. He didn't know the dark haired girl but she somehow reminded him Faith ,the slayer of his virginity, and his guilt free concience.  
  
Xander: I am your friend. And I'll be there till the end. I am your lover. And i'll keep it undercover as long as you wish. As long as you wish  
  
Faith was mesmerized. She couldn't take her eyes off Xander and she couldn't focus on anything but the music. The words were starting to hit close to home reminding her of a night she thought about alot in prison. And she not only thought about it because she was in a womans institution. No, it was more because she actually regretted what had happened after that night. She really did LIKE Xander back then.  
  
Xander: Love can happen in an instant And be gone just as fast. Love will vanish without a trace But hatred it will last. Hatred. It will Last.  
  
Xander sang the chorus again. His words and actions conveying more emotion than many thought possible. Angel, Cordy, Wes, and Gunn were smiling as they watched Xander sing. Angel was the only one to look over and see the look of pain/happiness on Faiths' usually cocky face. And then the words actually made sense to Angel. He understood what Xander was singing about and more importantly WHY he was singing about it.  
  
Xander: Close your eyes. I'll kiss your check Cover your self lets go to sleep. wait till tomorrow just some other time. I wanna be close to you before we cross that line.  
  
Faith had unfelt tears falling down her cheeks as the words wrapped around her heart. She had hurt him. Not just physicaly but emotionally as well, and one thing Faith knew, Emotionally hurt was a hell of a lot more painful.  
  
Xander: Love can happen in an instant and be gone just as fast Love will vanish without a trace. But hatred last Hatred will last.  
  
Xander opened his eyes and looked toward Angels' table. What he saw almost took his breath away. The dark haired woman WAS Faith. He didn't miss a chord as he looked right into her eyes or maybe her soul.  
  
Xander: Love can happen in an instant and be gone just as fast Love will vanish without a trace. But hatred last. Hatred last.  
  
They both knew that was true. Hatred always seemed to last. Faith hated herself and for just a second she thought maybe Xander hated her to. After all he had every right to hate her. She slept with him then tried to kill him.  
  
Xander: Self Hatred...... Last  
  
Then. Then she knew without a doubt. Xander Harris was incapable of hating someone who had tried to do good. Someone who he had once trusted with his life and the life of everyone on the planet. And she smiled.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Xander saw Faith walk toward him the second he reached the bar. This was not a conversation he wanted to have right now.  
  
Faith: Hi Boytoy... I mean Xander.  
  
Xander noticed something right away. She was different. Not as hard somehow, or maybe not afraid.  
  
Xander: Hey Faith. You doing okay?  
  
Xanders voice seemed strained as he talked to the younger of the two slayers. Like he wanted to say something and couldn't  
  
Faith: I'm sorry Xander.  
  
Faith said trying to ignore the fresh tears on her cheeks and the lump in her throat. She was suprised when Xander smiled slightly and hugged her.  
  
Xander: It wasn't all your fault Faith. I should have helped you.  
  
Faith looked at him shock.  
  
Faith: It wasn't your fault at all Xander. I made the choice.  
  
Xander looked down before looking into her eyes.  
  
Xander: I should have been there to help you choose what was right. I let you down, I'm sorry.  
  
Faith shook her head and smiled before hugging Xander again.  
  
Faith: You didn't let me down Xander.  
  
Xander looked at her for a second before speaking.  
  
Xander: So you don't hate me?  
  
Faith laughed and slapped his arm.  
  
Faith: I could never hate you Xander. Friends?  
  
Xander smiled his goofy half smile and hugged her again.  
  
Xander: Friends.  
  
Faith smiled and sat down beside Xander.  
  
Faith: So anything happened between you and B yet?  
  
END  
  
That is the third fic in the "Song's of the Heart" Series. Hope you liked it. REVIEW 


End file.
